The world is full of mysteries. And so is Ralphs. I shall expound on three of these mysteries which I have recently noticed.

1. The first mystery is how much the specially marked items actually cost. It's quite common to see a label which displays the regular price and then informs you that with a Ralphs card you can get 3 at a significant discount. Well, if I have a Ralphs card what is the price of just one? Is it the regular price or one third of the discounted price for 3? Today I saw a box of cereal which displayed a regular price of $3.29 or with a Ralphs card you could purchase 5/$5.00. If they are $1 each, why only list the price for five of them? The label also pointed out how much money you would save if you bought 10. Who buys 10 boxes of corn flakes? Anyway, the discount price does not always apply to a single unit. Milk, for example, lists $3.19 as the regular price and informs you that you could pay only $3.89 for two containers of the very same milk. I have tried buying just one only to find myself paying the full price and wishing I had paid the extra 70¢ for a second gallon. Why does the same claim mean two different things? Who can say?


2. Seasonal products. Holidays seasons can be scary times at Ralphs. Before Valentine's day shoppers are greeted at the store's entrace by a giant wall of gifts, each being alike in dignity and in every single other aspect. Whose idea was this pile of 5 million identical boxes of badly packaged, low-grade chocolates? This is often accompanied by a banner with some cheesy line like, "Send a message to someone you love." What message would that be? "Look honey, I bought you the $1.97 special from the front of the store." Around Easter you can find the mountain of tooth-chipping candy in plastic bags with faded labels. This stuff is clearly left over from last year. Some of it may even be loot that was plundered after defeating Japan. Then, magically the entire mountain disappears after Easter, never to appear again. Until next year.

3. Finally, I will never understand why all Ralphs employees have an irrepressible urge to put each and every item I buy into a separate plastic bag. Today I came home with 7 items in 5 different bags. How many hands do they think I have? Items that were easy to carry around in a decrepit gray basket became a complicated tactical challenge. And I can't discern the logic of the distribution. Each box of cereal was placed in its own bag, but the buns were lodged underneath a half-gallon of orange juice. Perhaps their motto is 'A confused customer is a happy customer'.

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