but chain letters always tell the truth, right?

Ah, it's the day after the glorious gas boycott of May 19th, 2004. The oil industry suffered terrible losses and in trembling humility has capitulated to the demands of consumers. The prices at gas stations are plummeting, OPEC is opening up new supplies, and oil executives were seen groveling and handing out free diesel.

Oh, wait, check that. I meant to say, not a damn thing changed. How could this be, you ask? Your well meaning friends sent you this email and you forwarded it to 10 other suckers so that you wouldn't get herpes. And all of them filled up on Tuesday instead of Wednesday. How could that not bring the oil companies to their knees? What about the 4.6 billion dollars the email spoke about? Surely, the email couldn't have lied. After all, it was written in all caps. Doesn't that imply a well researched, thoroughly documented source? It stuns me how little effort and thought it would take to identify the latest boycott email as an impotent hoax. And yet it reached so many. Damn, people, turn on your brains! How exactly are you threatening the vitality of the oil industry by giving them more business on Tuesday and Thursday than on Wednesday?

I'm no fan of the practices of certain sectors of the fuel industry. The major sources of oil limit the supply to drive up the price. Refineries are not far from monopoly status (at least in California) and have huge profit margins. Rumors are spread which incite investors to drive up the wholesale price of gasoline. But, we the consumers enable these practices. If we didn't consume gas so ravenously and invariably gas prices would be much lower. I'm aware that other factors also heavily influence the price of gas. I too remember a few winters ago when the pump prices got below 90¢ in California. Clearly demand has not increased by a factor of 2½. And well documented reports show that the oil industry has been gouging consumers (large pdf warning). Sadly, politicians show little interest in helping us out and the average consumer can't change the policies of major oil companies. But, we can use less gas. And regardless of any dishonest business activities we can lower the price of gas. But, we don't. We just complain and keep on fueling up. Not to mention, half the population supports the use of 15,000,000 gallons of fuel per day for us to occupy Iraq. Through expanded military activity, increased travel, and more commuters the demand for gas keeps going up and so will the price.

How many of you consciously make an effort to save gas? Walk to the store, the bank, the barber. One mile? So, what? Enjoy the stroll. Take the metro. Carpool. Don't drive during rush hour. Beg your boss to let you shift your hours earlier or later so you can avoid stop and go traffic. Don't accelerate or break too quickly. Over-breaking is particularly odious since you force everyone behind you to break and then play catch-up.

Anyway, whether or not you care about saving gas, you should at least avoid passing on stupid chain letters.

i want to tear off my lips

There are many despicable aspects of life. Spammers, strep throat, parking tickets, Jar Jar, and the waiting room at the dentist's office with the same infomercial repeating over and over on the TV. But, among them all one stands out. I used to say mosquitoes were more worthy of my enmity than anything else on earth. But, even their persistent assaults pale in comparison to the utter evil known as poison ivy. Or it's equally contemptible relatives poison oak and sumac. As I type I am subject for the second time to the heinous misfortune of a poison oak rash on my face. My lips, in particular. And it burns, and stings, makes me feel disgusting. And there is nothing I can do about it. I've tried carmex, calamine, hydrocortisone, Tecnu, and other useless remedies. But, the extreme irritation is unassailable. I'm one of the most sensitive people to poison ivy. I've gotten it from sitting on the same couch as someone who went hiking and petting a dog that must have wandered too far on it's walk. Even indirect contact can leave me in pain for weeks. I'd rather be given a parking ticket by Jar Jar while sick with strep throat and watching infomercials in a dentist's office after being sat on by Rush Limbaugh and tortured by US soldiers in Iraq.

Evil. More evil than Jerry Falwell, Pol Pot, and Henry Kissinger combined into a three-headed monster with tentacles. I can't think of any other plant that seems so vicious toward people. The allergenic sap is not harmful to any of the animals which eat foliage (deer, goats, cattle). In fact, it's far more harmful to humans most other species. It's obviously not a deterrent since it doesn't hurt immediately. In fact, humans will only come in contact with the plant's resin if the plant is already injured. But, the wretched plant is one of the most fragile in nature, even a gust of wind can damage the leaves and stem enough to release sap. So, it seems like nothing more than a spiteful plant out to hurt passing humans while wallowing in it's own miserable existence. In fact it targets some of the coolest humans since it's resin becomes dangerous once vaporized by fire, thus injuring many forest firefighters each year. If I ever get super-wealthy I'm not going to donate money to curing cancer or fighting AIDS. I'm going to set up an organization to wipe out poison ivy/oak/sumac. Oh, how I loathe that plant.