i want to tear off my lips

There are many despicable aspects of life. Spammers, strep throat, parking tickets, Jar Jar, and the waiting room at the dentist's office with the same infomercial repeating over and over on the TV. But, among them all one stands out. I used to say mosquitoes were more worthy of my enmity than anything else on earth. But, even their persistent assaults pale in comparison to the utter evil known as poison ivy. Or it's equally contemptible relatives poison oak and sumac. As I type I am subject for the second time to the heinous misfortune of a poison oak rash on my face. My lips, in particular. And it burns, and stings, makes me feel disgusting. And there is nothing I can do about it. I've tried carmex, calamine, hydrocortisone, Tecnu, and other useless remedies. But, the extreme irritation is unassailable. I'm one of the most sensitive people to poison ivy. I've gotten it from sitting on the same couch as someone who went hiking and petting a dog that must have wandered too far on it's walk. Even indirect contact can leave me in pain for weeks. I'd rather be given a parking ticket by Jar Jar while sick with strep throat and watching infomercials in a dentist's office after being sat on by Rush Limbaugh and tortured by US soldiers in Iraq.

Evil. More evil than Jerry Falwell, Pol Pot, and Henry Kissinger combined into a three-headed monster with tentacles. I can't think of any other plant that seems so vicious toward people. The allergenic sap is not harmful to any of the animals which eat foliage (deer, goats, cattle). In fact, it's far more harmful to humans most other species. It's obviously not a deterrent since it doesn't hurt immediately. In fact, humans will only come in contact with the plant's resin if the plant is already injured. But, the wretched plant is one of the most fragile in nature, even a gust of wind can damage the leaves and stem enough to release sap. So, it seems like nothing more than a spiteful plant out to hurt passing humans while wallowing in it's own miserable existence. In fact it targets some of the coolest humans since it's resin becomes dangerous once vaporized by fire, thus injuring many forest firefighters each year. If I ever get super-wealthy I'm not going to donate money to curing cancer or fighting AIDS. I'm going to set up an organization to wipe out poison ivy/oak/sumac. Oh, how I loathe that plant.