quick hide, freedom is coming

"Freedom is on the march," Bush declared today. So for all you Iraqis wondering about the camouflaged objects advancing towards you with M-16s: don't worry it's just freedom. Freedom is often accompanied by liberty. Liberty comes in both 0.5 caliber and 7.62mm.

Oops. Sorry, kid. Ya gotta move when freedom comes through. Don't want to get stepped on by freedom boots, do ya?. Hate to tell you, but your mom didn't duck fast enough either. Chewed on some liberty lead. Anyway your bandages are done, go outside and enjoy your new freedom. Just watch out for unexploded shells. And snipers. Second thought, stay indoors.

In fact, if you don't stay inside while the curfew (8pm-6am) is in effect you might have to be taken to the freedom jail. And don't drive near the borders. If you need to cross a checkpoint, then ... eh, just don't. Though if you should be caught breaking any rules I assure you that you'll be treated fairly and respectfully. We've implemented an efficient three-step procedure to ensure justice for each and every offending Iraqi. For example:

One Two Three

Well, try to get some sleep and make sure to avoid any rivers.

one of life's many lessons

I was hanging out with my brother and his girlfriend in the kitchen when we heard a knock on the door. It was about 8pm and I figured the visitor was one of our friends who had not yet figured out that our door is never locked. We all yelled "Come in," but the knocking continued. "The door is open." "Just come in." I walked over to the door and jokingly shouted out, "You have to be smarter than the door." Before I could turn the handle I heard our landlady's voice on the other side exclaim "I can't my arms are full." Well, maybe I should have made a new year's resolution list.

1) Be careful not to insult landlady

I'm glad she has a sense of humor. We're taking care of her dogs for the weekend and she was dropping off dog food. The dogs are really friendly generally well behaved. The only problem is that one of them occasionally batters through the tattered remains of an old section of fence and runs off. He's always managed to find his way back in one piece, but it's still alarming. I think we'll have to patch a 2-foot segment. Anyone know much about making fences?

more gmail

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