The world is full of mysteries. And so is Ralphs. I shall expound on three of these mysteries which I have recently noticed.

1. The first mystery is how much the specially marked items actually cost. It's quite common to see a label which displays the regular price and then informs you that with a Ralphs card you can get 3 at a significant discount. Well, if I have a Ralphs card what is the price of just one? Is it the regular price or one third of the discounted price for 3? Today I saw a box of cereal which displayed a regular price of $3.29 or with a Ralphs card you could purchase 5/$5.00. If they are $1 each, why only list the price for five of them? The label also pointed out how much money you would save if you bought 10. Who buys 10 boxes of corn flakes? Anyway, the discount price does not always apply to a single unit. Milk, for example, lists $3.19 as the regular price and informs you that you could pay only $3.89 for two containers of the very same milk. I have tried buying just one only to find myself paying the full price and wishing I had paid the extra 70¢ for a second gallon. Why does the same claim mean two different things? Who can say?


2. Seasonal products. Holidays seasons can be scary times at Ralphs. Before Valentine's day shoppers are greeted at the store's entrace by a giant wall of gifts, each being alike in dignity and in every single other aspect. Whose idea was this pile of 5 million identical boxes of badly packaged, low-grade chocolates? This is often accompanied by a banner with some cheesy line like, "Send a message to someone you love." What message would that be? "Look honey, I bought you the $1.97 special from the front of the store." Around Easter you can find the mountain of tooth-chipping candy in plastic bags with faded labels. This stuff is clearly left over from last year. Some of it may even be loot that was plundered after defeating Japan. Then, magically the entire mountain disappears after Easter, never to appear again. Until next year.

3. Finally, I will never understand why all Ralphs employees have an irrepressible urge to put each and every item I buy into a separate plastic bag. Today I came home with 7 items in 5 different bags. How many hands do they think I have? Items that were easy to carry around in a decrepit gray basket became a complicated tactical challenge. And I can't discern the logic of the distribution. Each box of cereal was placed in its own bag, but the buns were lodged underneath a half-gallon of orange juice. Perhaps their motto is 'A confused customer is a happy customer'.

Well, I finally added cookie support to my comments section. So, if you check the appropriate box near the 'Post' button your information will be saved. Enjoy.

Friday five:

1. What was the last TV show you watched?
I watch TV so rarely that I'm not even sure. Wait, I watched the news about starting to bomb Iraq while I was at the laundomat. Before that I can't even recall.

2. What was the last thing you complained about?
That kind of plastic packaging for toys or electronic products that looks like you can separate it or open it but you can't. And after much struggling and cursing you just tear the plastic but then the card with the product logo and info gets in the way. Finally you get scissors and cut it out wondering who designed such terrible packaging and how you can kill them.

3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?
I complimented Shane on kicking by butt playing Halo.

4. What was the last thing you threw away?
Aforementioned packaging. With extreme prejudice.

5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?
ideotrope

Someone tried to hork my license plate. It was obviously a poorly planned theft since it failed only for lack of a screwdriver. I guess they were after my sticker, which was partially peeled off. Failing to secure the sticker, the thief tried to take the plate itself by pulling really hard. This merely resulted in a rather bent and distorted plate which still remains attached to my car by two rusty screws. And somewhere out there a desperate and unregistered man is stumbling along in the darkness cursing himself for not bringing a pocket knife. What I have learned from all this, is that "hork" is not in the dictionary. Well, not in most dictionaries. It can be found in the Urban Dictionary and other shady sources.

For work I needed to update my windows machine and naively allowed IE to scan for updates. It suggested that I urgently need Service Pack 3. Why not, I figured. It's Microsoft's damn operating system, they probably know what's best for it. With Service Pack 3 and several other important updates selected I clicked through about 10 billion agreements and finally gave the update wizard permission to do it's thing. It began to "inspect" my hard drive, but I suspect it really took the CPU out for dinner and a movie because it wasn't until several minutes later that it reported back on the gross lack of disk space. Wait a second, I have 500Mb of free space and you claimed to take up only 16Mb! Starting again I carefully scrutinized each step until I figured out that deselecting the "Archive every useless file you have" option solves the problem. Ok, click through another 10 billion agreements and start the download. The download finished quickly and I watched the installation begin. Did it freeze? No, it's just moving slowly. Very slowly. How long will it take? 5 min? 10 min? 15 min? No, how about 2 freaking hours! Damn, what's it doing, shaking the hand of every one and zero it finds? When it finally finished with my poor machine I learned that it installed Service Pack 3 and nothing else. So, I had to go once again to the update page and start the other installations. But, at least I have Service Pack 3. I've noticed two primary improvements over the older version:

1. The hard drive now has 150Mb less free space, sparing me the worry that the space might be allocated to some useful purpose.
2. Shutting down now takes 30-45 seconds instead of 4 or 5. This gives me time to reflect on my hatred for Microsoft before I start the next task.

So, kids, today's lesson is always wear clean underwear.

Stop. Drop whatever you are doing. Close instant messenger, hang up the phone, put down the chinese take-out. No-one is to leave the room without reading this:

Revolution is not an AOL Keyword*

It's a reinterpretation of the original Gil Scott-Heron lyrics. Beyond being well written and entertaining it reminds us that there are more important things than the glowing box you are staring at. Read the words, follow the links, snap your fingers to the beat.

I'm a pimp, you can be too! Or, perhaps you would prefer a nice cup of fluffy mackerel pudding.

Current, and recent, events

I have a cold. Colds suck. I hate being sick, life comes to a halt. So, since nothing interesting is going on this week I'll take the chance to comment on a couple news pieces that I missed during the Dark Ages of my blog.

First of all, Freedom Fries. Wow. This is quite possibly the single most childish idea I've ever heard from an adult. And it came from a member of Congress? What an embarassment. Lawmakers in Pennsylvania tried to pass a law banning French wines and other beverages imported from our reluctant allies. Many restaurants and "patriotic" citizens boycotted French's mustard. This was followed by other various silly boycotts, including the South Carolina legislature attempting to boycott tires which they did not realize were made in their own state. So, in response to a political dispute the leaders of the Land of the Free harmed American businesses and attempted to reduce the American consumer's freedom to choose. Yay.

Despite the happy picture of Iraq Bush tried to paint, this last week has been a very difficult one for major cities like Baghdad and Basra. Political leaders like Rumsfeld made empty promises that the US would stop the looting while many in the military claimed that it was not their job to stop the looting. The very same day that Rumsfeld made the claim, "Where [US troops] see looting, they are stopping it." was one of the worst days of looting. One story emerged of an Iraqi shopkeeper screaming "Is this your liberation?" at a US tank crew who stood by watched as his hardware store was pillaged. The situation was handled badly enough to prompt two of Bush's senior advisors to resign in protest. The coalition forces have disbanded Iraq's law enforcement but not replaced it, they have damaged the country's infrastructure but not repaired it, they have eliminated the basic provisions for the population (food, medical, etc) but not yet provided any. Are they liberators or destroyers? As Bush's former cultural advisor Martin Sullivan pointed out, this is a pre-emptive war and these things could have been planned for. Sadly, I'm aware of only two services that the US military came into Iraq ready to provide. The Pentagon had a radio station ready to set up and broadcast propaganda. And before the war started a company had been contracted to extinguish and seal any flaming oil wells.

In lighter news, a pair of farmers here in SoCal put 30,000 live chickens in a wood chipper. That must have been some mess to clean up. Also, police in Indiana responded to an injury call to find out that the cause was two Amish fellows drag racing buggies.

This morning I had to drive to my boss's house in Pacific Palisades. It's a very nice area, a very expensive area. It's also teeming with cops, surely in response to the high rate of crime/terrorism in the area. I, being the cop magnet that I am, was pulled over. But for once it didn't bother me. For the first time ever, I knew exactly why I was being pulled over and I had an excuse. My tags are expired, but the DMV hasn't mailed them too me yet. When I do receive the tags I'll have to drive back down to West LA and demonstrate that I have indeed placed them on my car. This seems like a pointless annoyance to me, couldn't they just look up the DMV records to see that I've paid my registration? But, at least I'll sleep easier knowing that no terrorists will get away with driving around Pacific Palisades in unregistered vehicles.

We were late for The Randies show tonight. Only caught three songs. But, they are always fun to see. Tonight they had matching outfits, which was kind of weird. Their next show is Saturday 19th in North Hollywood.

I'm not normally consistent enough at blogging to make room for the Friday Five. But, today I will:

1. What was the first band you saw in concert?
 Unless you count church bands or orchestras the first band I concert I ever saw was Rammstein at the Hollywood Paladium. They opened for KMFDM and Lords of Acid, both of whom sucked. But, I will never forget watching Rammstein that evening.

2. Who is your favorite artist/band now?
 A few of my perennial favorites are Wumpscut, Slayer, In Flames, and Funker Vogt.

3. What's your favorite song?
 I don't consistantly like any one song, or set of songs, more than all others. Lately I've been playing Infected by Bad Religion a lot. Maybe, Blood by Numb or Only For The Week by In Flames. And sometimes the Goo Goo Dolls' song Naked.

4. If you could play any instrument, what would it be?
 Base guitar would be awesome, but I'd definately rather play the drums than anything else.

5. If you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why?
 Tom Araya, Rudy Ratzinger, Tchaikovsky, or the guys in System of a Down. I think Ozzy would be amusing to meet though for different reasons.

As the US launched its attack against Iraq I was standing around the TV at the laundromat folding my clothes. Two drunk homeless guys were watching and occasionally yelling at the TV or at Saddam. And attempting to explain current events to other bystanders. Two of the comments nearly made me laugh out loud. One of the drunk guys leaned near the other and said in a hushed voice, "I think they've pinpointed Baghdad." Later the TV displayed a map of the middle east with Iraq highlighted in yellow. The second drunk guy indicated the yellow area and explained, "That's all they have left." These two should be news anchors for Fox.

Next week is the school board election for Pasadena. I generally like to vote whenever I can, being a civic duty and whatnot. But, this time I don't know anything about either candidate except for their statements in the voter guide. Christine Soto and William Bibbiani. Who are they? I wish I could meet them. I think that would make many elections easier for me. Everyone can sound reasonable in a written statement, but to actually meet them gives me a better sense of whether they are slimy or a jerk or self-centered or whatever. Certainly it's not practical for everyone to meet presidential hopefuls or candidates for other various national offices. But, it would probably be practical for many of the people in a district to meet potential Congressional representatives or the city's mayor. So, I think local elections should be preceded by a "meet the candidates" event. With free hors d'oeuvres and punch.

Tonight I went to Controversy night. Shane's Wednesday night small group met at Crown City to raise and discuss controversial issues. I couldn't resist coming. Matt Stahl and I advocated legalizing drugs and another guy argued against a progressive income tax. I really enjoyed the evening. A good debate is fun. Then I had this idea, I should make a page on my website where people can discuss controversial issues. I guess my comments section occasionally serves that purpose. And perhaps having an arguement over the internet is a poor idea. But, it might still be cool to make a general debate forum in which to rant and rage. Any thoughts?

Our favorite local band, The Randies, are having a big show tomorrow night, (Thursday, 10th). All are welcome to turn up and cheer for the band. They are playing at Club Lingerie in Hollywood. The show is at 10pm. Cost is $8 or $6 with a flyer.

A few days ago I noticed an insect bite on my left wrist. At least I assume it's an insect bite. I didn't notice being stung, so it must have been a stealth insect. At first I figured it was just your average mosquito bite, it swelled up a bit and itched for a day. Then, instead of going away it continued to swell and the itching was replaced with a dull ache. The ache became less dull and more accute and the swelling area eventually achieved a diameter of 3 or 4 centimeters (1.5 inches or so). I began to worry that some exotic insect had injected it's flesh-eating larvae into me. Most likely I think it is a case of SABS (Severe Accute Biting Syndrome). Maybe I shouldn't have taken that trip to the wrist-biting insect zoo in Hong Kong last week. Anyway, the swelling is now going down and the pain has gone away. They'll probably let me out of quarantine in a week or two.

Today held a rather sad piece of news for me, Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf has disappeared. I'm going to miss hearing his outlandish explanations of Iraq's situation. The guy is hilarious. I read that many Arab viewers turn up the volume when he is on TV because they find him so entertaining. His press conferences are refered to as the Al-Sahhaf Show. Some people refer to his stories as Sahhaf truths. This is of course a jest, half a truth is far too generous for any of his statements. Who else could possibly claim that US forces were not within 100 km of Baghdad while people could hear artillery fire at the edge of the city? Who else could respond to video shown on Al-Jazeera showing US troops defeating Republican Guard by saying, "we have surrounded the Americans and British." Combined with his goofy smile, calm demeanor and colorful-but-meaningless insults his stories made wonderful entertainment. Here's a man who truly knows how to put delivery and style above other less important traits like credibility. If he is ever found I hope he is brought back to the US and forced to host his own talk show.

Also, I was thinking that if I ever start up my own news agency, I'd call it "Initial Reports". Just remember, you heard it here first.

The blog is back.

Yes, it has been a long time. Oh, well. I have much to say. Too much, in fact, to say it all at once. That's part of the problem. Once I had gone a week without blogging there was so much to write that I couldn't make the time to sit down and write it all. At this point I would need a full day. So, my choices are never blog again or to write a pathetically incomplete blog. Which is what I'm attempting to do now. So, you're about to recieve scattered pieces of the last three weeks. Hopefully, I'll be able to write more soon and fill in the pieces. But, some will likely be lost. That, I suppose, is the tragedy of failing to blog. Archiving these moments, thoughts, rants, etc is the central purpose for my blog, so I'm rather disappointed in my lack of bloggage. Too much to say, too little time.

I should start by finishing the tale I began in my previous entry. As you may recall, Krishna and I were working on a gas-turbine go-kart. The project came to a tragic end the night after I last blogged. That Tuesday saw tremendous progress on the kart. The frame was nearly finished, the mounts for the engine were done, and we had started to cut out pieces of the engine itself. I left briefly to retrieve an item from home and when I returned to the blacker courtyard I found a rather singed Krishna amid a group of sympathetic onlookers. The mighty plasma cutter had scattered too many droplets of red-hot steel and Krishna's sweatshirt caught fire leaving him with burns on his hands and face. We packed up, loaded the car and left for the emergency room. It was at Huntington Memorial Hospital that I made the lamentable decision of entering in the parking structure. When I heard a loud metallic grinding sound I remembered that I had an extended go-kart strapped to the car's roof. I've never had to worry about clearance before. The kart was largely demolished and the roof of my car was damaged. While Krishna made his way to the emergency room I untied the wreckage from the roof and removed the upper frame so that the car would pass easily through the exit. To add insult to injury I was out of cash and the parking attendent refused to let me leave. I had to wander around and look for an ATM. When I found one and withdrew $20 I learned that my balance had been only $1 which earned me a hefty overdraft fee. Including the ATM surcharge my account ended up at -$40.50 all for the sake of a fucking $2 parking charge. Waiting at home that night for Krishna to call me from the hospital was one of the most depressing times of the last several months in my life.

Over the next few days we returned all the cool equipment we had rented and packed up our unused parts into storage boxes. For several days my car still smelled like a cross between a machine shop and the Valdez oil spill. Krishna's burns are healing nicely.

Speaking of oil tankers, I had the privilege of driving a '67 Chrysler New Yorker. It belongs to Krishna and normally lives in a storage lot in La Habra. While he was visiting the car came up to Pasadena and I kept it around for a few days after Krishna left. It's a huge old graceful car that needs one of its many fluids refilled about every five minutes. It's fun to drive around in the ultimate pimp-mobile.

What's up with this SARS thing? It's annoying me already. Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome is the lamest name ever. Between Ebola and SARS I'd take Ebola any day just because the name is so much cooler. First, why bother naming it both severe and acute? Probably they just needed a vowel in the name and didn't want to leave it as ARS. And why is everything a "syndrome" these days? It's not a birth disorder, it's an infection. You don't talk about catching Flu Syndrome. What ever happened to plain old diseases? Worst of all, why do all new diseases have to be given acronyms instead of real names? AIDS and HIV, then SIDS, now SARS? Do doctors lack the creativity to come up with a name for it? Even making up a nonsense word or calling it something like Uberflu or Death Lung would be better than another damn acronym.

Last weekend I was out at the Bigfoot with a couple friends and one of them started talking with a group of girls. The girls announced that they were about to go dancing at a gay club and wanted us to go with them. I figured it was worth a try because I had never been to a gay club before. My compadres were fairly easily convinced as well. After a couple good debates about lesbians and evolutionary psychologists we found ourselves at the Ultra Suede in West Hollywood. The crowd was ok, certainly a different culture. The club itself wasn't that great. The music was mediocre at best and the drinks were overpriced. But, at least I can say I checked it out.

Well, that's it for now. I have much more to write. My next entry will probably happen sooner if people bug me about it. Feel free to prod.